55 Best Liquors Under $55

After much heated debate, morning hangovers, blackouts and flashbacks, we present the best of the best in Alcohol.  This list isn’t about status, or coolness. Its about good quality alcohols being made for the best buck.  If I could drink a Macallan 18 everyday, I would. Since, we are just ballers on a budget here at SexDrugsMoney, we decided to cap the list at $55. If you drink like we drink, then you  must enjoy variety.  Even die hard whiskey drinkers change brands to fit the mood.

We present to you, The 55 Best Liquors for Under $55. Enjoy!

Beers - I’ve yet to meet a beer worth more than $10.00.  A good beer shouldn’t be expensive.  The right brew is all about ingredients and technique.  You don’t need a lot of money to make a flavorful tasteful brew, as many homebrewers know.  But I don’t have time to brew my own every time. These are the guys I depend on when its time to crack a cold one.

1. Red Stripe Beer- Pros: Fuck the funny commercials.   The taste is flavorful and the beer packs a bit of a punch at 4.7% A.B.V.  One will mellow you out, and the whole six will get your night started right. Cons: Is very hard to find in hick areas, like Tulsa, Oklahoma or West Nashville, Tennessee.

   

   Less than $10.00

2. Dos Equis – Pros: Dos Equis is the best shit coming from the house of Heineken these days.  .   The main brand Dos Equis XX Special Lager is a 4.45%.  If you still buying Corona, it better be for the ladies. Cons:  The beer has a lingering taste in your mouth, which may turn off the novice drinker.  Again, this isn’t a ladies drink.

   

   Less than $10.00

3. Newcastle – Pros: Dark and Dignified. Sweet Enough for the Barbecue.  No dirty hangover. Cons: Another hard to find brand, especially in the southwest USA.

   

   Less Than $10.00

4. Samuel Adasm- Pros: Truly the best American beer.  In fact, its the only American beer worth mentioning to your foreign friends. Cons: Its a white man on the bottle.  And I’m sure he held slaves.

   

   Less than $10.00

5. Amstel- Pros: Good Beer. Comes in many varieties.  Unlike Michelob, they get every flavor right.  All mellow. Cons: Eurotrash.

   

   Less than $10.00

Malt Liquor- With a Malt, you kind of expect to have a hangover.  That’s why they come in 40 oz. bottles.  The best Malt Liquors imitate great lagers in taste and don’t give you a headache.  Most importantly, Malt Liquor is available on every corner in the hood.

1. Colt 45- Pros: Can I get a cold Billy?  If we called him William Dee Williams, it wouldn’t be the same.  Cons:  So tasty you might overdo it too early.

   

   Less than $5.00

2. Mickey’s- Pros: Image is everything.  Thirst is nothing.  This is the sprite of Malt Liquors.  Cons:  Some of the stuff on the underside of the bumblebee sucks.

   

   Less than $5.00

3. St. Ides- Pros:  Ice Cube likes it. Snoop Dogg likes it.  I like it.  Cons:  Might get you fucked up talking shit.

   

   Less than $5.00

4. Magnum- Pros: Smooth taste.  Comes from Miller Brewing. Cost efficient. Cons: Not in many markets. Nasty from the can.

   

   Less than $3.00

5. Schlitz- Pros: Cheap and Proven to do the job. Cons:  Packaging and reputation.  You wanna brown bag this one.

   

   Less than $5.00

Vodka- The water of liquors.  A good vodka is all about purity.  Rarely do we drink vodka neat, so a good vodka needs to mix well.

1. Stolichnaya -Pros: Its not the best tasting, nor is it the best priced, but when it comes to vodka, never was it so right.  Cons: Overpowers some mix drinks.  Not for Ciroc drinkers.

   

   Less Than $30.00

2. Grey Goose- Pros:  Smoothness.   Like sparkling Vodka. Availability. Like a street walker.  Cons:  Over rated as a panty peeler.  Takes a while to work its magic.

   

   Less than $30.00

3. Ketel One- Pros:  Rocks the party.  Affordable enough to waste on a punch.  Cons:  Biting aftertaste.  Not for rookie vodka drinkers. (See Stolichnaya)

   

   Less than $30.00

4. Svedka- Pros: Priced to compete.  A good mixer.  Citrus flavors taste citrusy.  Cons:  Hangover haven.  Bad formula in its creation shows its head in the morning.

   

   Less than $20.00

5. Absolut- Pros: Strong enough to taste without vomiting.  Great for shots.  Cons:  Strong enough to taste without vomiting.  Bad for shots.

   

   Less than $25.00

Whiskey – I used to think that Whiskey was an old man’s drink.  Now I know better.  Whiskey is a real man’s drink.  To be sipped straight or with cola, a good whiskey should be presented when you have the guys over for the game.

1. Crown Roya- Pros: Multifaceted due to the fact that you get a pretty nice looking accessory to go with it.  Collect enough and make a big purple and gold pillow.  Cons:  None at this time.

   

   Less than $25.00

2. Jack Daniels- Pros:  Its Jack Baby! American Made. Great with Coke. or Rum. Cons: None at this time.

   

   Less than $25.00

3. Woodford Reserve- Pros: Smooth. Sip it straight. No mix necessary.   Cons: Not too popular. No others.

   

   Less than $25.00

4. Makers Mark- Pros:  I like the bottle. Probably the best whiskey on Ice.  Mixes with cranberry well.  Or coke.  Cons:  Tastes woody if you brush your teeth the day that you drink this.

   

   Less than $25.00

5. Buffalo Trace- Pros: Great value. Drinks well for a good price.  Cons:  Its from Kentucky.

   

   Less than $30.00

Cognac - Whiskey for Yuppies.  A good Cognac is everything a whiskey is, and so much more.  These spirits should bring out your most mannish desires.  There is a reason Leon Phelps drinks Corvoisier.

1. Remy Martin VSOP- Pros: Tastes like champagne.  Its the champizzle of Cognizzles.  This is project heaven. Cons:  Expensive as a bitch.  Dark bottle.  You can’t see how much is left – don’t share it.

   

   Less than $55.00

2. Courvoisier VS- Pros: Smooth.  To be sipped straight.  Wet taste. Cons: Not a party drink. Not for the weak bitches. Strictly gangster bitches.

   

   Less than $30.00

3. Hennessy Black- Pros:  Great drink for barbecues, fiestas, bar mitzvahs, and communions.  Cons: You might get arrested.  Thug Life Bitch!!!!

   

   Less than $50.00

4. Alize- Pros: Smooth.  Good substitute for broke times.  Mixes good with Alize Passion Berry.  Cons:  Alize Congac?

   

   Less than $30.00

5. Meukow Vanilla- Pros: Mixes great with cream sodas and vanilla Coke. Tastes like butterscotch.  Plus its got a Black Panther on the bottle Cons: Meukow’s Original isn’t so tasteful.

   

   Less than $35.00

Brandy - If you can’t afford a good Cognac, you better brush up on your Brandy.  Sweet enough to sip straight, Brandy is the cousin to most wines, and should be savored in the same way.  The older the Brandy, the better.

1. Clear Creek- Pros:  I can’t believe these are fucking grapes.  This can’t be a brandy.  Cons:  Damn, I just paid how much for Brandy.

   

   Less Than $35.00

2. Paul Masson- Pros: Your Uncle Paul.  Who taught you how to drink anyway?  Cons:  Headache medicine.  Diarrhea is a coming.  Take it slow.

   

   Less than $15.00

3. Brandy Norwood- Pros:  Is probably richer than us.  Is a MILF, I guess. Especially if I’m drunk.   Cons:  Might Drink and drive.

   

   Less than $5.00

4. Earl and James- Pros:  Traditional.  Like Vogues on Cadillacs.  Liek Queensbridge.  Like the swap meet on Slauson.  Cons:  Ezus Jesus.  Erk and Jerk.  And terrible nicknames that describe your bodies convulsions as you vomit more than the liquor.

   

   Less than $20.00

5. Christian Brothers- Pros: Mixes good with Dr. Pepper.  Almost sophisticated.  Cons:  Its fucking Brandy.

   

   Less than $15.00

Scotch – This isn’t a young man’s drink, but if you were to shoot this back with friends on prom night, your life would forever be different.  Scotch:  The reason they say liquor puts hair on your chest.  The best scotch is aged in wooden casks and flavorful.  The only drink to smoke a Cuban cigar with. (Sorry rummies.)

1. Macallan- Pros: Changed my life as a drinker. Intelligent.  Flavor in your mouth and your chest.  Your tongue breathes the ingredients and aging of the bottle.  Cons: Cost.

   

   Less than $50.00

2. Glen Livet- Pros:  A good yuppie drink.  Not a bad scotch.  Cons:  A yuppie drink.   Not a good scotch.

   

   Less than $25.00

3. Johnnie Walker Red- Pros: Its a pimp ass drink with a pimp ass name.  Here comes the hot stepper.  Or the dignitary.  Multifaceted.  Cons: Doesn’t compete.

   

   Less than $25.00

4. Dewars- Pros: Great introductory scotch.  Cons: Not particularly special in any area, but cost.

   

   Less than $25.00

5. J & B- Pros: Great conversation drink.  Share it at a dinner party.  Share the others with your best friends.  Cons:  None at this time. We aren’t done with the bottle yet.

   

   Less than $25.00

Rum - Rum is a hit or miss.  Its a hit if you know what you’re doing and a miss if you don’t respect it for its bite or taste.   A great mixer, but not so great shooter.  Rum is the Vodka of the Western Hemisphere.

1. 10 Cane- Pros:  a perfect 10 in rum.  Master the sweet and the spicy of molasses in a bottle. Cons: Cost.

   

   Less than $25.00

2. Appleton Estate 12yr – Pros: Great taste.  Sweet. But not candied.  Pure.  Cons: Has a plantation on the front.  You might get drunk and start a riot.

   

   Less than $30.00

3. Sailor Jerry- Pros: Great mixed with Coke. Great spiced rum.  The only spiced rum in some places.  Chick on the bottle is hot if you finish it alone.  Cons: Who teh fuck is Sailor Jerry?

   

   Less than $25.00

4. Captain Morgan Pros: – Helps you get a leg up.  The captain makes it happen.  Cons: Who the fuck is Captain Morgan?

   

   Less than $25.00

5. Bacardi 151- Pros:  Party over here ain’t shit over there.  Cons:  Flammable.

   

   Less than $25.00

Gin - The least respected member of the family.  Unfortunate, because the drinks aren’t bad, just the people who act an ass when they drink them.

1. Bombay Sapphire -Pros: Not the normal gin you’re used to.  Try it with pineapple juice.  Cons: Cost. Still a gin.

   

   Less than $55.00

2. Tanqueray- Pros: Cheaper than Bombay, but still debonair.  Cons: A slight aftertaste is there.  Needs a mixer for sure.

   

   Less than 25.00

3. Beefeater- Pros:  Bites like a son of a bitch.  Morning Gin.  Gets you going.  Don’t ask.  Cons:  Stupid name. Stupid bottle. Stupid hangover.

   

   Less than $20.00

4. Gordons- Pros:  Good drink with your dad.  Or grandad.  At least you not drinking alone.  Cons: Might hate yourself soon.

   

   Less than $15.00

5. Seagrams- Pros:  Cheapest thing going.  Not just in gins, but in most liquor stores. (ed. Note: If you’re drinking Gin cheaper than this, please stop.) Cons: Wait and see.

   

   Less than $10.00

Tequila – Growing more and more popular as more and more drinkers tap into aguave brands.  The best tequilas are pure, but there are a few with heavy after tastes that are worth trying at least once.  Tequilas may offer the biggest bang for the buck.

1. Patrons – Pros:  Will get you some pussy, I guarantee it.  In fact, ladies, why do you love this so much?  Cons:  Price. Funny hole at the bottom of the bottle and stupid myths as to why its there, when all I know is I’m getting less alcohol.

   

   Less than $40.00

2. Cabo Wobo Reposado- Pros: Makes you feel like the life of the party, because you are the life of the party. Cons: None at this time.

   

   Less than $40.00

3. Centenario- Pros:  Mixes incredibly well for a tequila reposado, and satisfies in shots.   Cons:  Not strong enough to compete at its price.

   

   Less than $50.00

4. 1800- Pros:  Pours its own shot, so it comes with a shot glass.  Perfect for you and that lady friend on the balcony.  Cons:  The fact that they made a commercial to tell you it pours a shot.

   

   Less than $30.00

5. Don Julio- Pros:  Great shooting tequila.  Competes with Patron shot for shot.  Cons: Cost is inflated, because it competes with Patron shot for shot.

   

   Less than $50.00

Sake- Sake is a wine.  Know that.  Sake is a man’s wine.  Know that.  Everything else about Sake is still unwritten.

1. Rihaku- Pros:  Drink it cold.  Cons:  Hot serving brings out too much flavor.

   

   Less than $35.00

2. Hakutsuru- Pros: Best bottle.  Cons:  N/A

   

   Less than $15.00

3. Gekkeikan- Pros:  a bitter taste on the swallow.  Cons:  Not available anywhere but sushi bars it seems.

   

   Less than $10.00

4. Hiraizumi- Pros: Gangster packaing.  Strong for Sake.  Cons: None at this time.

   

   Less than $50.00

5. Momokawa- Pros: Good intro Sake.  Good price.  Cons:  Sake for little Japanese puny men.

   

   Less than $15.00